Buckeye Fever

I overheard a summer intern - upon being asked if she'd like to be an associate here someday -say:

"Sure. All I'd have to do is put a bunch OSU football paraphernalia in my office, host some tailgates, and I'd be set for life."

She couldn't have been more on target.

I have lived on both coasts, in major cities with NFL and NBA teams, yet I have NEVER in my life seen anything like this.

Everything in this city is about the Ohio State Buckeyes. These people eat, sleep, dream, sh*t and masturbate thinking about the Ohio State Buckeyes.

It is still August and already every single story on the local news is about the Buckeyes: how the Buckeyes did at practice; who's sodding the field at the stadium; when some player took a dump; and the season hasn't even begun yet.

"Will Cody's hemorrhoids stop him from playing in the big game Saturday ? Find out at the noon press conference later today !!"

The entire city shuts down and people stop their lives during OSU football games. Everything stops. No one is driving on the streets (I thought I saw tumble weeds blowing at the intersection of Broad and High one Saturday); no one is at the store; people risk injuring themselves by putting their bodily functions on hold until after the game; women in labor stop "pushing" temporarily because the kid can't come out until the game is over.

And get this. The former President of Ohio State University was under fire yesterday for saying that post-game rioting was out of control. So what ?? It IS out of control. All she did was speak the truth and now people are calling for her head on a platter?? Give me a break, people.

This is what happens when you live in a town - make that a whole state - where there is nothing else to do entertainment-wise but watch the Buckeyes every Saturday.

Good Luck

I was asked to participate in a professional group of attorneys who mentor law school students.

While of course the concept is great, in reality it's obviously just a resume/CV builder. What attorney do you know who has time to PROPERLY mentor, unless he or she is a partner?

The "mentoring" I've seen done by associates here is usually just a "hi kid, how's-it-going-we'll-do-lunch-sometime-you-know-the-drill" type of thing because the associate is drowning in work, shackled to a desk, busy putting in hours on the quest to partnership, etc.

Actually, I think the most valuable mentoring exercise might be for the students to hang out with some of our senior partners for a day.

That way, they can envision the types of insane, uptight, alcoholic, miserable human beings suffering from acute @ssholism that they too can become!

I can just hear the welcome speech now...or what probably should be the welcome speech:

"Hi, I'm John Narrowass, the most successful partner at this firm. I'm on my fifth marriage; my kids and step-kids hate me for neglecting them their entire lives even though I send them to expensive private schools; half of them are on drugs; the twenty-something, newest wife is screwing the gardener; I'm a much-hated, drunken wind bag who chases after summer interns
and baits first-years just for sport. All of this could be yours too someday for only the price of your soul!!! We've actually got a contract form for that sort of thing. Upon completion, it gets faxed directly to the Prince of Darkness." (No, not our Executive Director, but Satan.)

All I can say is good luck.