SOLD OUT

I am a corporate defense attorney for one of the largest, most prestigious law firms in the Midwest, yet I hate it.

In my professional past-life, before joining the firm, I prosecuted violent criminal cases in a major metropolitan area. I took dirt-bag murderers, rapists, wife-beaters, and drug dealers off the streets. While, at times, that was very rough on the psyche, the job was rewarding because it gave me a chance to do some good in the world.

People used to ask me if I'd become jaded through exposure to so much violence. Oddly enough, it's not my past as a prosecutor, but instead practicing corporate law at this firm that leaves me cold. (For example, it's hard to sleep at night knowing that we got a physician off on a technicality in a Medical Mal case who made a mistake during a procedure, leaving the patient in a life-long vegetative state.)

Basically, all I do now is push paper, file motions, and defend a bunch of bloated, corrupt corporations. My typical client is a "Mr.Burns" type and I am forced to be his "Smithers".

Cases now fall into 1 of 2 categories: those which are easily dismissed (regardless of whether the claim is legitimate); and those I'll have to settle because they're definitely legitimate but the possibility of making them go away is unlikely.

I thought long and hard about all of this before leaving the Prosecutor's Office and returning to Ohio. Could I stand living in Ohio again? The boredom, the humidity, the hillbillies.... But, there's an upside to living in this city. I have kids now, and it's a really safe city in which to raise them. They would also get to grow up around their grandparents. These were my main concerns, and thus the points I used to talk myself into giving up big city life and moving my family back to "Mayberry". And did I mention the cost of living, which is dirt cheap compared to a major city?

Could I stand feeling like a sell out? Well, when you have kids, and you're choosing between being able to give them a good life and living on a less than desirable salary, you do what you think is the right thing -- within reason. Don't get me wrong. When I think about less fortunate people living out of their cars, things are instantly put into perspective and I know I really have little reason to complain.

So, I'll be here (at least until my kids are through college), pushing the paper, gettin' paid, working with some seriously flawed personalities, putting up with their sh*t because they're senior partners, wishing I had a few Cyanide capsules with lunch, recoiling at the level of bullsh*t in which I find myself emerged and amusing myself with my own quiet, cynical little observations.